Welcome! Here you’ll find answers to some of the most unpleasant/difficult questions that pop up in our minds every now and then. Since everything in the world is relative; some answers may or may not be satisfactory. Most of the answers are short and succinct to consume the least amount of time. Some answers are a little lengthy though because they need elaboration.
Isn’t it common when our friend needs some help, we’re able to give good advice; but when we’re in a similar situation we struggle through it? This is because there is an emotional element that restricts us from taking required action. This is different from the case when our friend was in trouble because back then we were detached from them emotionally and were able to make decisions logically and consciously. So, these QnA are not only for you but myself too when I need to see things from a third person perspective.
There are broadly 5 categories, all self explanatory. If these don’t interest you, skip to random.
- What should I pursue?
- Have you ever felt your goals becoming a burden on you?
- How to maintian a social life while exploring different opportunities and working hard?
- How to choose between two career paths/options?
- I see everyone around me doing well, am I the only one suffering and under achieving?
- How can I get over the fact that I am growing up? I am just in college but still missing my childhood and high school days.
- Should I take life advice from my seniors?
- How should I go about my college life?
- How do I manage college studies with my life goals?
- I am struggling really bad with my academics and nothing seems to work out.
- Describe the best kind of love.
- How do I maintain a good relationship with my loved ones?
- What is the right time to try a relationship/fall in love/find a partner?
- How do I know that I am in love? (in terms of a spouse)
- How do I unlove someone?
- What is the cure to anxiety and loneliess?
- Why is it that I have a constant desire to talk to people and I have no one to talk to?
- I have been alone for quite some time and my soul is craving for some connection.
- What do I do about my, self-realization of inferiority and jealousy from the ones who’re lucky?
- Talk to me about Procrastination
- What to do when just bored? 2)I am feeling something which is inexplicable.
- Why is it that I am never happy?
- Should I leave my home country in pursuit of a developed country?
- I don’t really like the people in my caste/community, how do I change them?
- There is this strage shape like thing that usually floats in my vision/eyes every now and then
- I’ve read all of your QnA. Now what?
What should I pursue?
Do you have the luxury to pursue what makes you happy (whilst not harming anyone)? If not then get on doing something, anything that pays your bills first. Now, pursue what is meaningful to you not what is expected of you because when going gets tough, the tough gets going. You’ll only have the determination to do it in hard times if you find it worth the effort or else you’ll give up.
Have you ever felt your goals becoming a burden on you?
Yes, it’s because you’re trying to achieve too many things in a short period of time and it’s called burnout. You might even burnout without achieving any of your goals so focus on one and slowly level up your game.
How to maintain a social life while exploring different opportunities and working hard?
Unless you’ve been doing that since highschool, which is quite rare, it’s next to impossible to manage all of that. Either choose a good social life and studies or focus on studies and opportunities. You can still maintain a hi hello relationship with people if you choose the latter.
How to choose between two career paths/options?
Firstly don’t do that unless you’ve at least accomplished one of it. Make sure you’re not falling into the comparison loop where you’re actually not able to put full effort in hardwork. So, to answer your question you’ll never know how the other option would turn out for you. So just choose the one that feels right to you, if you fail, then change. The key to success is being responsive to change.
I see everyone around me doing well, am I the only one suffering and under achieving?
Everything in this world is relative, it’s understandable that you feel this way. I will not ask you to be happy for them, coz unless you love them it’s hard. So, if they’re doing what you wanna do, go reach out to them and ask for help. How did they make it? If they’re doing something else, then trust your gut, you chose your stuff because you find value in it, probably you could also make it the way they did but what if you don’t find that meaningful to you? Would you live that life? Don’t try to be the jack of all trades, you’ll burnout. Also, society couldn’t be less concerned, so take a vacation/get back to work.
How can I get over the fact that I am growing up? I am just in college but still missing my childhood and high school days.
If that happens infrequently then it’s okay, if you’re constantly thinking that way, it is very likely that those times were way better than your present situation and you’re craving that. Focus on what you can do right now to flip the situation, so that even this moment will be nostalgic later on. How to focus? Don’t go and start making a routine/arranging tasks in order to complete. Just treat everything in FCFS you’ll automatically be doing all that unknowingly (subconsciously) and you’ll be back on track.
Should I take life advice from my seniors?
Your immediate seniors can only help you w.r.t academics and short term vision because they’re themselves not experienced much and just as clueless as you are. So, reach out to seniors who’re doing what you wanna do and are 7-10 years down the line, they can give you a real day in a life of their profession and tell you about the real challenges faced during that timespan.
How should I go about my college life?
Have some goals and the courage to pursue them. What is success? Progressive realization of a worthy ideal. Success is anybody who is doing a set defined task because he deliberately wants to do it. Everyone will end up having a job supporting a family but at some point all of us will feel monotonous and that is why we need stuff we love doing outside of work. Try to figure that out in college. If you’re still left with time, try serving the community in the smallest ways you can, it’s automatic to feel happy when you do so.
How do I manage college studies with my life goals?
If you’re disciplined, it’s easy. Cover the topics taught in a day that day evening itself. The next morning work on your goals. Don’t try to make use of all the time, because you won’t be able to do that and that’ll make you sad. Relaxing/chilling/being social are equally important.
If you’re not disciplined, get through college with the required bare minimum somehow, and devote all the time to your goals. This is risky and will break you many times, but that’s the price you need to pay for not being disciplined. In the end, all that matters is your determination and you’ll be just fine.
I am struggling really bad with my academics and nothing seems to work out.
Okay, first accept the fact that you’ve fucked up real bad. Success sometimes can be accredited to luck but failure is mostly on you. Now, do what a hungry person would do to survive. Earn something to feed yourself, not the suitable time to look for side income sources but focus on getting a real job somehow. (Referrals, Connections, Cold mail, Friends and Seniors) no matter how average the compensation is. Once you secure that you’ll at least be independent financially and now get over the fact that you screwed up your academics. If you’re in the industry, you’re promoted on the basis of work you do. If you’re into academia, focus on research papers and projects that showcase your dedication. Where there is a will there’s a way and it’ll work out. Actually, unless you lose a massive life changing opportunity because of your academics (not rare but not common either) it’s highly unlikely that it’ll matter to you when you’re grown up.
Describe the best kind of love.
Love which is unconditional. Cliché? Haha. You’ll receive this kind of love only from your parents. Trust me not even your siblings, or your spouse, or your so called friends will love you unconditionally. Forget them, even you will not be able to love someone unconditionally unless you become a parent. Rest all is just nature’s play. This is the best and most underrated kind of love. You may argue that even this becomes a little annoying when you’re transitioning from teen to adult. I agree that it’s called the best kind, not the perfect kind.
How do I maintain a good relationship with my loved ones?
It’s easy if you stay outside your home country. Remember their birthdays and anniversaries, if you can’t, set up the calendar or ask your sibling to remind you. Call them 2-3 or at least once a week and talk to them properly, ask them about their day, the gossip in the locality, their health and tell them that you miss them even if you don’t.
If you stay at home, learn how to cook and serve them with good food. Plan an outing at least once a month. It’s okay to skip sometimes. Gather everybody and watch the rainfall sometimes, get nostalgic and cry about earlier times and talk, what else.
What is the right time to try a relationship/fall in love/find a partner?
Time? Love is inexplicable man, it just happens. Well, actually if you’re in the dating game a little early on in life (before 20s) it’s highly unlikely that it’ll work out coz (i) sometime down the line you’ll question whether you committed too early on (ii) before 20s is the rapid growing phase and this is when people change as per their likings, choices and experiences so stability is rare. Not saying not possible but definitely difficult. Now, if you’re in your 20s, technically an adult in society terms. First see if you’re financially independent, if not do that first (love won’t pay your bills) and then go explore. The world is waiting for you.
How do I know that I am in love? (in terms of a spouse)
Read the previous answer first. If you’re not an adult it’ll probably be better to grow up first. Now, if you think of her to be the mother of your children or plan your entire life with her or think about her all the time, it may not necessarily be love. Brain has it’s tricks and it likes messing around. So, if you’re attracted to that person not just by her appearance but also by her mindset and how she sees the world, you always want to see her happy and want to bring stars & moon for her and you’re not hesitant to share your most vulnerable moments with her and finally you want to introduce her to your parents; boy oh boy you’re in love! P.S ask her if she feels the same, don’t get your heart broken.
How do I unlove someone?
Do the basics first, delete contact, mementos and all the memories on your phone. Write/say/cry your heart out about the pain you’re going through. Don’t immediately try new stuff, or start partying frequently, rather sleep a lot, and just try to get used to the fact that whatever has happened has happened and this is how life is going to be. If they’ve passed away the pain will be of a high magnitude but bearable considering it’s the way of life. If they’ve just left your life, the pain will be confusing at first but the baggage of it for a long time will make you suffer. No wonder that they say, Life is painful.
Love is not an on off switch, it’s not possible to unlove someone, you either forgive them or get used to it and hope nothing but the best for them anyway, in spite of all the suffering you’ve been through, coz if you don’t do so, the emotional baggage will become too heavy to carry at some point and you’ll break down.
What is the cure to anxiety and loneliness?
Human race has evolved in tribes, no wonder there’s a caste system because of that and no wonder that you feel this way because we’re just not used to it i.e. why you should find/make a tribe. A tribe of people with common interests and with whom you’re comfortable sharing your feelings. Don’t look down upon people who’re always in a group, it’s the way we’ve evolved and will continue to do so; it’s just that one should not restrict oneself to that one specific group, you can have several groups and friends even outside of groups.
Why is it that I have a constant desire to talk to people and I have no one to talk to?
You’re probably holding onto something, maybe it was a habit before and now your brain defaults you to repeat those actions. As blunt as it may sound, talk to yourself by speaking and recording your speech, or writing. Do that for quite some time and when you look back you’ll see you’ve actually talked a lot and you’ve run out of content or you’re talking bullshit now i.e. when you’re normal again; go conquer the world now!
I have been alone for quite some time and my soul is craving for some connection.
It is quite evident that you’ve still not spent a lot of time by yourself, coz in this noisy world having time all on your own is a blessing. Anyway, try socializing not via digital means, but in person, go to parks or random places where you’ll find people and try talking to them. I will not ask you to start loving yourself and endure loneliness because how do you even do that when you’re in a phase where you don’t even see anything good in the world, let alone yourself. So, I would suggest you to make something: food, pottery, paintings, music, write a poem, dance, anything but get creative.
What do I do about my self-realization of inferiority and jealousy from the ones who are lucky?
How do you define inferiority? Whatever be your basis of that, it’s according to you and it’s not necessary that others have the same perspective; matter of fact that this inferiority/superiority (if you think you are) is just in your head/mindset. Life is more than that, this would be weird but I would say become obsessed with yourself. Life is suffering anyway so being obsessed about yourself and then life bringing you down will maintain the balance. It is true that the privileged ones are lucky but they just got lucky, why don’t you make someone lucky? (probably your kids) that’ll give you even more happiness than being just lucky.
Talk to me about Procrastination
We procrastinate because we’ve failed in something before or just don’t feel like doing something. But more so because we’re privileged enough to have the luxury to procrastinate, if you were someone who earns in the day to afford food for the night, would you still procrastinate? Be grateful for that and get your lazy ass working. Make your fear of failure a driving force to succeed this time. You may fail again but you’ll definitely feel at least you gave your best shot instead of just regretting again. Try these, it’s not a cure but, of some help to get you back on track.
What to do when just bored?
Sleep>Read>Talk to your bae>Watch the Northern Lights>Video tour of Maldives white sand beaches>Update your bucket list
I am feeling something which is inexplicable.
Now is the correct time to become a spectator instead of a doer. Just observe what you are feeling, don’t try to make meaning out of anything just observe. If not for an experience, it’ll definitely be a reasonable timepass.
Why is it that I am never happy?
It’s not like you’re never happy, it’s just that your happy moments are infrequent. Have you tried creating something instead of just consuming videos, news feed, songs, talk (being a listener) etc… Try making something, anything, stories, art, book, music, dance, a project on your coursework, talk to random people (being the speaker). Make a journal or use a notepad on your phone and note down ideas that pop up in your mind now and then and try to pursue them sometime.
Should I leave my home country in pursuit of a developed country?
Previous one: Let’s see what all options you have: Case 1: You leave your home country, and get a better environment for yourself and your family with top notch facilities. But at the end of the day, it’s not your community you’ll either feel out of place somehow or the other because it’s deep rooted in human mind, you and your family will be discriminated. Don’t try to argue, you know it’s true. Case 2: You stay in your home country and work towards its development instead of running away like the rest and you’ll have your people with whom you do have clashes at times but a sense of community still thrives since all of you belong to that place. But, you will not get the top notch facilities available in developed countries, your kids might not get the best education, and health services may be comparatively poor. Either way, you need to compromise on something. So, choose your damn sacrifice. How to choose? Just pick the one that feels nice to you man!
Latest one: Let’s get this clear first that there’s nothing wrong about moving out of your home country because if it were, all of us shouldn’t have left Africa in the first place (human life evolved there and spread across the world). Secondly, a nation is nothing but an idea bounded by physical borders. I don’t believe in living and dying for the nation because something which was man made (similar to religion) and something which you didn’t get to choose (also similar to religion) in the first place, and you’re patriotic for the same? These nations don’t even have the same land throughout history, they’re been evaded, taken over and what not. A nation is just a concept.
This may make you curious whether the people in the army are foolish to take up such a job. Well, they’re not! This is because they’re working for the people of the country and not particularly the soil. A community is what makes a nation and I want you to take a decision keeping this in mind instead of facilities and opportunities. If you like the community you’re in right now, awesome. If you don’t try out other communities you’ll see how welcoming they are of outsiders and whether you like it or not. If you don’t change. Do keep in mind that no community is perfect and you’ll likely have to make some compromises which again, you get to decide.
I don’t really like the people in my caste/community, how do I change them?
You can’t. Period. It’s obvious that you don’t like the negative stuff associated with them like jealousy, back biting, hatred, defamation and stuff like that. Understand that no one is perfect; being a human everyone has flaws. Caste is prevalent in every religion, not just in Hinduism. Islam/Muslims have Shia/Sunni/Kharijite/Ibadi etc. Christians have Baptist/Episcopalian/Evangelist/Methodist/Presbyterian/Pentecostal/Charismatic/Lutheran/Anglican etc. So, there’s basically no place to run away from it.
If you say you’re an atheist and talk in terms of community, you’ll still find a particular group of people you dislike. Now, devoting your time to change them is not really worth it. Why? One, because there’s no guarantee that they will and two, your time on Earth is limited. So, enjoy your vacation here. Talk to friends who want your betterment and somehow just maintain a hi hello relationship with the ones you dislike because there’s no point in hurting others and secondly, you never know when they might be the one helping you.
The best you can probably do is, succeed and show them ways in which they can too, and together grow as a community. I know it’s easier said than done, but did you even try?
There is this strange shape like thing that usually floats in my vision/eyes every now and then
This is quite common actually. It’s because of the lumps formed inside your eye balls that causes those shapes to be seen in your retina. The solution is simple, when you wake up in the morning just gently rub your eyes for a few weeks and you’ll be good to go.
I’ve read all of your QnA. Now what?
Well, come talk to me then. Let’s hangout sometime.🙃
If you feel some answers are fundamentally incorrect and you’d like to talk about it OR, if you want some QnA to be added, feel free to reach out to me. Lastly but not the least, if you like reading stories make sure to checkout my blog The Mind’s Chatter.